to the cat,
“let’s be forlorn together.”
So they sat and yowled
at the five o’clock news
while the sun slipped away in the west.
For those of you not already sick of me banging on about depression (these would be the readers who know me IRL of course… I haven’t actually spoken about it heaps on this blog yet), I just want to say this…
You know those times when you suddenly feel like everything in the world is terrible, and you are alone, but then you don’t even have the energy to feel that? (This may be an infrequent experience for you, purely hormonal, or only occasionally circumstantial.)
You know those times when the party has finished and you’ve closed the door on your nearest and dearest and suddenly find yourself in an empty house, alone: the particular feeling that arises then?
You know those times when you’ve come back from a great weekend away, or holiday, or whatever, and suddenly feel an incredible and devastating sense of loss for a thing that wasn’t even there anyway?
These are those times for me. All rolled into one.
At the moment, a little adrenaline is getting me through each day, and then it fades, by story time, and I haven’t done the things I wanted to do yet, and I’m tired, too tired to cry.
So I’m sorry I haven’t written a proper blog post about when friends betray you, as promised on air on Wednesday. I haven’t kept up with the radio spots, and the 2.3 people who read this blog because they’ve heard me there will now be slightly confused as to whether they’ve come to the right place at all. You have, friends, but you may have to wait til tomorrow.
And I’m sorry to all the people I cannot do for at the moment, I love and appreciate you, and at the bottom of my bottom, I do remember and wish I could be more.
And finally I’m sorry to the vermillion and blue, soft grey and dappled green of this beautiful sky, the peace of this slow traffic route, the starkness of the poplar branches. I’m sorry I can’t enjoy you as I should…
Peace and love,